38 years and i've been able to avoid cooking that dreaded dead bird...

HERE'S THE HISTORY… *  i have europeans for parents, they have and will always eat meat.

* i've been a vegetarian since the age of 17 (my parents didn't even know what that term ment!), then it lapsed into vegan, then back to vegetarian and now currently i'm a "fishatairain" (lol).

*all my family and friends have thrown pity on my lack of meat skills and i've never had to host an actual dinner ever... in 38 years!  actually, i do believe they are all fearful of my sarcastic humour and that they may have to eat tofurkey for thanks giving!  i'm really not that evil, only about 10% evil!

So after 38 years, i thought i would give the european mother, who is an amazing cook (minus her ability to burn home made garlic bread every time!), hope that her non traditional daughter would be able to feed the family if "god forbid anything happened to her" (please keep in mind my mother is ridiculously healthy and will more than likely outlast all of us!)

i make the announcement (it felt familiar, like i'm telling them i'm pregnant all over again)...

me: " mom, i want to cook the turkey this year"


my mom:  " U  surrRR" (HEAVY accent)

me:  " yep, it's about time…don'tcha  think"

my mom:  " okaA.  u duw evrrrding"? (really heavy now)

me:  "yep"

my mom: "OkaaAA" (insert a huge amount of doubt, heavy accent and a dash of "OMG, she's cooking meat")

the next day was a blur of crazy spices, hand measurements and ALMOST but not quiet obscene acts with a dead animal carcass (personally putting your hand up a dead animal is NOT ok with me)! i have had to blocked some of the process out of my mind, for good reason (nightmares)!

my girls were in shock, mostly that i took the carcass and made it do a jig… (lol…my bad humour coming out).  amara, kept asking questions as i was performing the turkey ritual like only amara can...

1) why did you kill the bird vavo' (grandma in portuguese)" ?

2)where's it's feathers?

3) show me where it's vagina is? (really??? amara!)

4) what happened to it's head?

she had me trapped, as all our awkward conversations start but in the end, with all the questions answered...success!  it actually worked, a juicy bird (or so they tell me…i didn't eat that dead beast) and the european mother feeling like her daughter will not let her family starve on the holidays, when she is in her grave!

38 years and i'm no longer a turkey virgin, the europeans are celebrating!

hope you all had a great holiday…with or without a turkey!