the day we got married (at age 26) i knew without a doubt he was the one. not many people can say that.
not one single thought of "i'm not sure", "i'm i making a mistake" or "is he really the one" when through my mind that day or any before we got married
today i sit here pondering marriage. our marriage and many other peoples marriages that are still going strong, others that are on number two or just single now and think, if i didn't have that base, that 100% assurance that he was the one... if I started this marriage with doubt this post would be different. it would be about celebrating our divorce.
as a young adult my mother (who is a very traditional portuguese lady) would say in her heavy accent "i don't maake mariege" and 'i noo tell yu to haavv keeds" which meant she would never...
a) tell me to get married and
b) tell me who to marry or
c) ask when the grandkids were coming.
this was a little odd to me! especially knowing how other portuguese parents in our community also pushed for marriage and had opinions about when grandchildren should arrive.
now 15 years later with two kids (10 and 8), those words ring loudly like those cathedral bells on our wedding day, she was speaking from her own experience, love and truths. what she was really saying was this marriage stuff is hard, really hard and i'm not going to sugar coat it for you (because portuguese always use fucking code...i swear they can never say anything outright! )
marriage is more work to stay together then it is to separate. this is a truth.
that base, the one of unwavering belief the day i got married of "he's the one" has been the saving tethered line anchoring us on shore when the raging storms of life came rolling through... babies, money, careers and personality clashes rocked our marriage.
and sometimes during those storms we got untethered. by me. by him. sometimes unwillingly on it's own.
there were moments we were left thrashing about in those storms alone while the other was on shore pondering the idea of throwing the line out or just watching the boat sink to the sandy bottom. other times we were on that boat together out in the 20 foot waves of "this is your fault", "you're not listening to me" and the "that's not fairs". those waves washed over out vessel. damage was caused. some fixable, some not. but we would not let that ship sink. we fought for that storm to end and it always did.
not without wounds that healed into visible scars. new maps were drawn and "i'm sorry's" for leading us here into danger (we both knew better).
then there are months and months of glassy, smooth water and beautiful horizons. Coasting, loving the adventure of life together. thankfully, for us we’ve learned where the smoother water is located. we try to navigate there most of the time as we sail through our adventure of marriage. we've learned to be better co-captains when needed!
the thing about marriage is, you need to have good sea legs, swear like a sailer when needed, get as much "under deck" activities as you can fit in and be a good crew member because you can't always be the only captain. enjoy the journey because the days can be long at sea but the years are short!
today G and i have been awarded the 15 years of successfully navigating those treacherous waters of marriage. with honours.
love you G.
September 15, 2016
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