i'm no dr.phil, nor do i watch him on tv, btw is he still on tv? however, I do enjoy copying his heavy american accent and quoting this famous line "for every rat you see, there's 100 you don't"! but sometimes folks, you need to sit back and take stock of where the fuck you're going, thinking, doing and most of all whether you're HAPPY.
here's the thing, not everyday will be rainbows and unicorns BUT if you can lay in your bed at night and think "yep, i'm good" - then your winning!
so here's my 10 "dr.phil" game changing tips that might help you, as it has me in the past couple of years become a much happier person and seeings how most of us have shit the bed on our new years resolutions, you might need a little easy mid january help to get you through the next 12 months without feeling like a failure...
1) stop watching the news.
do i really need to say why? ok then, 90% of it is depressing, full of sad stories and really unnecessary to be watching. "hey you watch the news every night because it's so uplifting and hopeful, said know one EVER!
instead go to the discovery channel and watch something amazing for an hour. don't worry you will still be informed by others through social media...trust me, you will not be left behind! also if you have 70+ year old europeans parents like i do, they will tell you every sad story they watched that week. so your good. just stop doing it.
2) do the 80/20 rule with food.
being portuguese i try really hard to master this one and when i do, it's an amazing system. 80% of the time eat well and 20% of the time eat what you like! so during the week (mon-fri) eat clean, smaller portions with no booze and stop eating after 7pm. on the weekends, go to town! eat, drink and be merry! mmmm, cheese and gin -yes please!
on monday weigh yourself and repeat the process.
3) if you're living with someone, married or otherwise start having more sex.
yikes!! i could hear every lady just scream "go suck it dina"! i know it's the last thing i want to do at night after everything else, right and i have been there too but..
here's your reality (men included), if your not having sex and your in a relationship married or otherwise...your actually not in a relationship, your just living together and or parenting! now, if you met and didn't have sex, different story but you met and "enjoyed each other" (you know what i mean, cue up the pow chicka, brown cow music) and now your like "i have no time for that!" then don't be surprised when you get the memo about your "partner" finding someone else who gave them some attention. this is how we connect in a "adult relationship", along with other things but really this is important so take time and connect! shave those winter legs and lose the panties and or saxx. (my hubby will read this and my phone will ring "are you wearing panties? i just read your horrible misspelled, incorrect use of grammar blog post, i'll be home in 15" lol)
4) social media is fun and a total time sucker for sure but here's the thing with it, the feed is not real!
most of it is NOT real in the sense that your friends are posting their BEST self, BEST pictures and BEST moments. remember that! their life is not better or more organized, or more amazing then yours their just making it look like that. take the emotion out of the feed and enjoy the entertainment. if you can't do that and you get anxiety from looking at it. STOP LOOKING AT IT, it's just that easy. go for a walk. go have sex instead (see, I just bought you a half hour of time to get it on! your welcome. lol).
5) change your mindset, you change everything. shitty things in my world are called CONTRAST.
contrast comes to me like it does to others but the difference is i don't sit there and say "why me, oh lord, help me, lord...why me lord, sweet baby jesus (my favorite of the jesus's), save me, please god, why me....why did i not but oil in my truck for the last three years...why lord is my truck broken down. why don't you love me" and do a pity party - fuck that. i tend to absorb it and then see why and what i'm to learn from it. i see whatever positive grateful thing i can from it. or I laugh from it or make fun of myself if I've caused it and usually blog post about it. this has been a GAME CHANGER for me people. the point is it's happened and nothing you can do will fix it in that moment, so work with it and learn from it.
*btw- oil changes take 10 minutes at Mr.lube and no that's not code for sex, you dirty minded blog readers. it's the truth. another game changer, you don't even leave your car! no more $5000 repair jobs for me*
6) everyday i observe my life and acknkowlegde how grateful i am for everything and anything.
i used to write it down but i find it easier to just keep a mental note or speak it as I go. my kids must think i'm a nut job for my verbal diarrhea of gratefulness. but this folks changes your life, it brings happiness and appreciation for the simple things around us which makes our days far more meaningful. period.
get rid of things you don't use. this is really simple for me and not so much for hubby. if it doesn't work anymore, or it doesn't bring joy anymore, or you just don't need it...appreciate what it was to you and give it away, sell it or toss it!. watch out for the sentimental shit or what you think is sentimental! only keep a few of those things, otherwise take a picture of it and get rid of it! so the reality is, you will not fit into your grade twelve jeans, nor do i suspect you like having camel toe or muffin top..."let them go and live a new life in value village".
8) try going down the stream instead of up it.
a lot of the time, we make things harder for ourselves then we need to by our choices to clash and make thing difficult. it's not easy taking your boat upstream, it's tiring and your going know where except in the same spot.
drop your oars and ride that boat downstream in your choices and arguments. when we let go of the "battle" the fighting stops and we can enjoy the ride and the scenery.
9) be in the moment that your in.
put your phones away, be present with your kids, your spouse, your family and friends. conjure up fun and laughter, this is real life not a made up one on social media. make memories because in the end that's all we have!
*just know that every time your phone comes out for no good reason i totally want to bitch slap you with it (snap chat that!), and no that's not a joke. i hate it. i won't say it to you but know that i hate it. it's fucking rude too, btw*
10) being HAPPY is the key to all of this.
if something isn't working, find the way to fix it, alter it or appreciate it. somethings are not changeable but your thoughts and emotions are. you're in complete control of that. no one can tell you how or what to feel. so why be miserable, or angry? find the things that bring you joy and do more of that. take a "time out" and fix your thoughts when your losing your shit emotionally.
i hope that helps you in some way this coming 2017!
want to read some helpful books, here's a few of mine i love...
7 habits of highly affective people
fast food for the soul
the happiness project
dina's curated instagram feed...lol!