in this unnatural place.| Klutch Photography | Vancouver family Photographer

  it's a place i never want to go to, no one does!  it's never our choice, we are brought here against our will.  this place has no bottom, no beginning and appears to have no real end.  it takes a piece of you and never gives it back.  there is no warmth here, you are left to drown in it's cold, dark, overwhelming stench of sorrow.

sometimes we see the sea of pain coming but this time it was as though we awoke there, without preparation for the oncoming tsunami of destruction about to over take our small village.

it's the kind of ravaging that leaves you bare, helpless, on your knees looking to the sky   casting blame on that invisible puppeteer pulling the strings of life and death.  silence, only silence in between my venomous cry's of anger and why's.

as i stand in it's water, knee high in it's grasp, I see her, she appears to be staying afloat in amongst it's destruction.  the waves are taking her down…out of sight and slowly bringing her back up to my watchful eye.  i can't save her.  helpless, i can't even get close to her pain.  she's getting out of sight again, i yell to her "I'M HERE FOR YOU, REACH OUT YOUR HAND".  i work fast, tossing her "my"rope, it's woven of love, friendship and strength.   she's holding it and for that i'm grateful. my grasp is solid, i will go hungry before i let go.

even if she did, i would throw her another one woven of  fuck you, i'm not leaving you here alone and i'm here to help shoulder your pain.

warmth? feels strange in this place…it's my village, they are here, shoulder to shoulder, knee deep wading in it's hell beside me, they are all casting ropes woven of their strengths to keep her a float.

i feel powerful in our numbers, in our will to keep her spirit comforted.  i'm not delusional, i (we) can't take her out of it's unforgiving arranged marriage of loss but our ropes will give her strength when she is to weak to swim, some light through it's suffocating darkness, nourishment when she can't find the will to eat…to hopefully help her find some kind of peace in this unnatural place.

and that's a wrap. |klutch Photography | Surrey family photographer

our year came to an end playing in what i like to call "white sunshine"...cabin life for a week, hanging out with the fine folk at ELB.  it was full of family chaos, sled runs, snow slupee's, icicles sucking, lake skating, sorel wearing, quinzee making, game playing, reading, general over eating and many a happy hour starting at 12 noon. grateful. yes.

good bye 2013.  hello 2014.

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mommy look around you | Klutch Photography | Vancouver family photographer

when those waves of sadness hit, when your heart can no longer feel,

when you pick up the pieces to your new normal and feel you can't make it to a new day...

remember me mommy, my love,  just remember me.

mommy look around you, because i am here...

i am in the snow dusted in december,

i am blooming in your garden in the spring,

i am the sticks collected at your door and the shells at your steps,

i will be the sunshine wrapped around you to keep you warm,

i will give you sunsets in the summer mamma,

i am in the laughter of all my friends,

when you hold Nicholas's hand, i am there to hold the other,

when you say i love you, i am saying it back softly,

when you hold my pillow, i am holding you.

don't be sad mommy, i am not alone and the same goes for you.

(in  loving memory of Sophie Haines who received her angel wings december 2013)

and for her mommy xox

Amara's 5 Birthday email-5776-2
Amara's 5 Birthday email-5776-2