SURPRISE (part three,bikes?)

south beach, miami is known for renting bikes to check out the city.  so after my aspirin filled morning, we rented two for the day. i get a pink one with a basket!  water in holder and we are off.  here is the breakdown;

12pm  it's hot and we just got our bikes.

12:05 umm... i shouldn't have brought the third child (my camera bag).

12:10 this is really not safe riding on the side walks without helmets.

12:15  f*** why i'm i swirling every where.

12:20 omg, i'm sweating my boobs off

12:30 ok this is manageable with no people! oh wait. scratch that, lots more coming.

12:35 these streets are ridiculously small, what's up with that...people were not this small in the 30's.  not to mention the freak'n cracks and bumps....

12:40 "greg stop"  "my basket bumped off "!

12:45  good god, how is "the mr."  so freak'n nimble on a bike, he weighs 205lbs,  6 feet tall!  he's a absolute bull in a china shop at home, WTH.

12:45  "i'm coming on your left, s*** i mean your right. no i mean my right, omg i'm so sorry...did that hurt"

12:50 my crotch is on fire!

1pm "i'm pretty sure i smell"  "thank god for this breeze"

1:05   were at this fancy french hotel...finally!

1:30 back on bikes.

1:35 was that a man or a woman?

1:45  pit stop for some chow. yep, i'm ripe for sure. making some plans...did you say shopping?  perfect surprise!

2:00 fearless now, back up folks this mama' s coming through!

2:10 "basket down, basket down"

2:20 new shades from tjmax..

2:25 did i just here that cop say "lady, you have to be careful every one driving in south beach is drunk" .

2:45 stopped at the hotel to pee, take another asprin and change my stinky shirt!

3:00 surprise, we are going to nikki beach for a quick drink! what's nikki beach? no matter, let's roll.

3:20 sitting at the bar.

3:22 bartender is making me a margarita and "the mr." a mojito.

3:26 boo "the mr.'s" tastes better!

3:30 bartender is from canada, she rocks.

3:40 "i guess we are staying, you just ordered a pitcher of mojitos"

4:00  "i can't drive a bike hammered, i can barly drive a bike sober"!

4:15  oh snap, she just added more booze in our pitcher!

4:30 list of hot spots have been slipped to us.

4:45 chugging.

5:00 private event happening, we have to go. she warns us about cops giving out c.u.i tickets (cycling under the influence), lol..for real? this is going to be an entertaining ride home.

5:10 "i'm the best cyclist ever",  "i love biking in miami"! ("dina stop yelling", "the Mr." is not pleased)

5:20 we are home. nap, yes please.

SURPRISE (part two, we hit the town)

(parents holiday continued)

we settle in and it's time to hit wet willies (now personally, any place where the name of the restaurant is a "wet finger in your ear" i could do with out but it's been recommended by the locals).  the concept, adult slurpee's served in paper cups (small, medium and large) with lots of grain alcohol in it (grain alcohol?, what's that?). well it's illegal to start with (ok that's a little dramatic, more like it's not sold in canada) and it's 153 proof!  the place is packed with kids, and the first waitress is really fond of her job serving fountain drinks, clearly by her kind and thoughtful demeanour (not)! none the less i ask her "what i should i get", a one word answer comes from her month "superman".  moments later (literally 5 seconds) because it comes out of a slurpee machine i have a convenience store paper cup with a straw and a mighty tasty drink going down the hatch.  "the. mr" was kind, he tried to worn me (d, slow down. that drink will put you on your a**).  i'm prone to brain freezes so after four in a row, i realized this mamma needs to slow down (which was my only saving grace from not getting a notorious piggy back ride home from "the mr.").

we both concur that me eating a salad  for lunch was a weak option in miami (again this term salad is  being used loosely because i ate from the same hotel restaurant and well i'm pretty sure chef ramsie wouldn't consider "shred" used for burgers a salad) you need hard core carbs to keep the grain alcohol at bay.  so we sit down to get some chow, which wet willies provides.   best meal to date in miami, which at this point is not a hard title to earn BUT it was actually really tasty (shrimp taco's).

i'm three fingers in and i'm cackling with laughter, making new friends and "the mr." is shaking his head.  i'm two sheets to the wind because my normally not funny (to me) hubby is a freak'n comedy act right now. the canadians are busting guts over here.

we meet a few locals, one of which was a lovely girl named "diamond" (that's her middle name BTW), "the mr." then asks by any chance is your full name "Rainbow Diamond" (for all of you who know miss amara eden, this got me to spit my drink out).

jail is a common after work activity here in miami, people talk about it like it's no big deal (surprise)...we never asked what they were in for, good call i think, we wouldn't want to judge!

the meal is devoured and it's time to drunk shop in walgreens for some rations and facetime with my girls. awkward.