when your dear friend asks you to be present during the birth of her first child YOU DO NOT SAY NO! even if the thought of seeing her vagina (or any vagina for that matter) doesn't seam appealing to you at all, you fucking say YES because your not an asshole, your needs do not matter here, hers do... so you suck it up. truth be told, the thought of photographing all those amazing raw moments kinda wooed me into overlooking the whole naked, grunting, loss of body fluid parts of it all!
the offering i received to be present for the birth came from a place of sheer panic, kassie thought her hubby might hit the floor from getting woozy and she would be there birthing their child alone (you know alone with a doola, midwife, and three nurses. lol. all joking aside... i know they are great and very capable but it's not like having your bestie helping you along ) btw, three of the five attendants in the room I knew either from mutual friends or my neighbourhood swap and shop. small f'n world or what!
so...
i dina, would be the husband "stand in" just incase he (hubby) bit it!
I thought a tee shirt would have been a nice idea saying "team Kassie" or "the other husband" or "i don't normally look at other girls vagina's" or "i was the second choice" (well, if we are counting the doola and midwife that would make the shirt read "forth on the birth list"! Which is pretty fuck'n good right!?!).
you will be happy to know that James was rock solid. calm, cool and helped kassie through the whole thing...perfectly! so i got to be the proverbial icing on the placenta, the colour commentary if you will, as my "stand in husband roll" was not needed!
Kassie only got a shot or so of some kind of pain killer but she mostly used the gas, that's all she had time for and from my perspective...she rather enjoyed it (almost to much). when the tone of her voice changed to the hippie pot smoking tone and said "who's holding my hand" (it was me and I was about six inches from her face) and the "fuck you trang (her midwife) , i'm pushing with gas" attitude! made me think that perhaps a 12 step program may be in order after the birth. i'm glad to report kassie is completely gas free for 4 months now, so proud. lol.
now, If you want to hire me to be your step in baby's daddy here's some of the gems I may use...
"OMG, KASSIE (don't worry I will use your name instead) YOUR BABY'S HEAD IS OUT OF YOUR VAGINA" (I was kind of yelling. now i really understand where amara gets it from... so I toned it down a hair, but with the gas intake i don't even know if she could hear me or give a fuck)
or you may hear this one...
"y o u c a n f u c k i n g d o t h i s"! (imagine a low drawn out statement)
Now this one is epic...
"y o u r l i k e a m o t h e r f u c k i n g s o r c e r e r" (this part got a little creepy with tone and all...but I was trying to be motivational)
yes. i said these things and yep, the last one is from cards against humanity! and your correct it is the phrase that WINS EVERY TIME you use it!!
savi arrived at 2:18pm on friday october the 17th.
her mom nailed it. she blew my mind on her ability to stay calm and get the job done.
kassie cried when her daughter was born, which made me cry (i know, i know...i'm already aware i cry at everything beautiful, sad and otherwise but it was just so amazing!)
what I didn't know at the time was that in the end, i would thank her (and her hubby) for allowing me to be present for their very intimate family event. they gave me the most amazing gift...a chance to witness a human being born and not out of one's self...
a different perspective on life. literally!
wow, just wow.
i got to add and tick off a bucket list item that I had no Idea was even on my list that day in october when my niece was born.
#lifeunscripted
