klutch photography's christmas mini sessions are back...

 

it's quick.

there's coffee.

it's black (not the coffee but the backdrop! unless you need it black, the coffee that is?).

It's grandma's favorite gift.

there's great cheesy props.

and well, let's get real here…It's all your significant other and wild off spring can handle!

check out the fine print below,

*november 3 and 4th is the session dates.

*the $100 (tax not included...so add 12.00) session cost is for a family of four.

*any other family members you would like to add is an additional $25.00 per person (up to a max of six).

*a deposit of $50 is required to hold your date and time, deposits are not refunded if you cancel your session.

*unfortunately no fur family members can attend out of respect for others with allergies.

*in under two weeks you will receive disk of high resolution images ready to print.

*xmas cards will be available again this year, if your interested!

*all client's completed disks must be picked up from my home studio (sorry gang, no mail outs).

session times start at 8:45am and run every 45 minutes right up to the last booking at 5:15pm.  Please see available times below, please email me at dina@klutchphotography.com for all bookings and inquires (please no facebook emails)!

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 3rd                                  SUNDAY NOVEMBER 4TH

8:45 am  **OPEN**                                                        8:45 am  Booked

9:30 am **OPEN**                                                      9:30 am  Booked

10:15 am Booked                                                          10:15 am Booked

11:00 am Booked                                                          11:00 am  Booked

11:45 am Booked                                                           11:45 am Booked

12:00*****************the ladies are snacking*******************

12:45 pm Booked                                                     12:45 pm Booked

1:30 pm Booked                                                             1:30 pm  Booked

2:15 pm Booked                                                              2:15 pm Booked

3:00 pm Booked                                                             3:00 pm Booked

3:45 pm  Booked                                                             3:45 pm Booked

4:30 pm Booked                                                             4:30 pm Booked

5:15 pm  Booked                                                              5:15 pm Booked

Check out last year fun families....

[gallery link="file"]

38 years and i've been able to avoid cooking that dreaded dead bird...

HERE'S THE HISTORY… *  i have europeans for parents, they have and will always eat meat.

* i've been a vegetarian since the age of 17 (my parents didn't even know what that term ment!), then it lapsed into vegan, then back to vegetarian and now currently i'm a "fishatairain" (lol).

*all my family and friends have thrown pity on my lack of meat skills and i've never had to host an actual dinner ever... in 38 years!  actually, i do believe they are all fearful of my sarcastic humour and that they may have to eat tofurkey for thanks giving!  i'm really not that evil, only about 10% evil!

So after 38 years, i thought i would give the european mother, who is an amazing cook (minus her ability to burn home made garlic bread every time!), hope that her non traditional daughter would be able to feed the family if "god forbid anything happened to her" (please keep in mind my mother is ridiculously healthy and will more than likely outlast all of us!)

i make the announcement (it felt familiar, like i'm telling them i'm pregnant all over again)...

me: " mom, i want to cook the turkey this year"

silence

my mom:  " U  surrRR" (HEAVY accent)

me:  " yep, it's about time…don'tcha  think"

my mom:  " okaA.  u duw evrrrding"? (really heavy now)

me:  "yep"

my mom: "OkaaAA" (insert a huge amount of doubt, heavy accent and a dash of "OMG, she's cooking meat")

the next day was a blur of crazy spices, hand measurements and ALMOST but not quiet obscene acts with a dead animal carcass (personally putting your hand up a dead animal is NOT ok with me)! i have had to blocked some of the process out of my mind, for good reason (nightmares)!

my girls were in shock, mostly that i took the carcass and made it do a jig… (lol…my bad humour coming out).  amara, kept asking questions as i was performing the turkey ritual like only amara can...

1) why did you kill the bird vavo' (grandma in portuguese)" ?

2)where's it's feathers?

3) show me where it's vagina is? (really??? amara!)

4) what happened to it's head?

she had me trapped, as all our awkward conversations start but in the end, with all the questions answered...success!  it actually worked, a juicy bird (or so they tell me…i didn't eat that dead beast) and the european mother feeling like her daughter will not let her family starve on the holidays, when she is in her grave!

38 years and i'm no longer a turkey virgin, the europeans are celebrating!

hope you all had a great holiday…with or without a turkey!

"50 shades of WTF" {warning}

Yeah, yeah i know... i clearly had to much time on my hands while i was away this summer!  my excuse for reading 50 shades of grey,  i was curious, perhaps some blog research ...oh and  we are going to read it for book club anyways! (ps...thanks lyndsay for lending them to me) regardless of the reason...the "nasty has been done" and I have read the first (and second) in the series on the "kinky" pop culture craze!  so without further ado here is my thoughts....eek!

first off,

reading this book in front of others is like watching porn on a dvd player on your lap! AWKWARD! personally, i would retreat to a quiet space...lol.  (as a fellow cabin neighbor said "this book was great for my alone time")

next,

i'm very pleased that this book is not geared towards the male population...seriously, their "inner caveman" would be expecting a lot of riDICKulous sexual practices from us ladies!  good god the last thing you would need is your man picking red paint for your bedroom and investing in riding crops amongst other things!

ok,

your 21 and a virgin? (talk amongst yourselves on that BS)...oh and she's HOT...not likely people (insert me shaking my head).  BUT you become a newton street walker overnight, you "sing the high note" every time you get it on, oh and you want it every five minutes!? come now! (pardon the pun!)

so,

you have a "connection" big deal (don't we all, the first time we meet someone we want to get it on with?), all i know is i would have gone portuguese on his a** the moment his "twitchy hand" went into the upward position!

ok,

i write like a**, i'm aware of it, i point it out and i make spelling and grammar mistakes an art form of disgrace!  even i could tell the writing in this book sucked.  why?  it appears the writer could not find phrases, sentences or words to replace these gems that were used OVER AND OVER and over in the book...

"GEEZ"

"MY INNER GODDESS"

"man he's possessive"

"my subconscious...bla bla bla""

"I flushed crimson"

"crap"

"oh my"

"I flushed scarlet"

"STOP BITING YOUR LIP"

"did you role your eye's at me"

i think i will google and see if anyone is crazy enough to go through the book and count the amount of times these phrases and words have been repeated, hold on ...

tadaa... I found a tweet with some!!

https://twitter.com/MrShlee/statuses/223855567750434818

and of course there is an obscene amount of wild sex, not your good old fashion "vanilla kind" as they put it (good god i'm old, i had no clue what that meant!)!  you could literally play a sex game with the book by blindfolding your partner and picking a page because i will almost guarantee there is some kind of sex happening.

i was thinking of writing my own version of erotic literature for the suburban mom, it would look and sound like this...(warning ladies you might get excited reading this)

" he was bathing the kids with out being asked, i flushed scarlet"

"watching him wash the dish's made my inner goddess do cartwheels"

"he asked if  i wanted to go on a girls weekend and my panties fell right off"

now that's a novel i could relate to or at least dream about...lol!

so folks go for it, get some brown wrap, cover that smut up and enjoy it...if for nothing else it's makes for some fun conversations and laughter! I also heard there will be a baby boom in 2013 from this hot novel...bou, chicka bou bou !!!