363 days | Klutch Photography | family photographer

everyday you drift into my thoughts, so far it's been 363 times, tomorrow it will be 364 and the day after it will be a year. 

you are always there... like clouds in the sky, wind through a window, a smell of coffee in the air, an image you pass everyday. always there. always.

you linger in me. somedays i smile at your memory, some days i shake my head (did this really happen and in the why's of it all), somedays i live in the guilt of having my little girl here beside me while you are no longer able to be and other days i linger in the space of your mother and her reality of never being able to smell you and love you with her touch... those days are the worst.

sometimes i speak to you, out loud.  "i know your here, watching over us...sending us butterfly's"

the everyday thoughts build up in me like a stacking of cards from a deck, eventually the cards will crumble. i rebuild. then repeat the process.

when you passed, you gently and lovingly stole little pieces of everyone's hearts, to be honest you already had a piece of mine.  the whole will never fully heal, only enough to keep us moving forward. slowly.

the moment you left us sophie, you became our teacher.  and i (along with many others) have learned in these 363 days to live (more so) in the now and that tomorrow is a gift and to be unbelievably grateful for it.  

this week i (and all of us) relive the days leading up THAT moment, the reality of what all of our lives would be from that email on.  i hate THIS, i hate how it makes me feel, i hate thinking about your family right at this very second and what they are living through this week.  i just hate it that i can't take your mom's pain away. i hate that i can't take amara's pain away.  

BUT on day 365 i will walk with your family and village, together united, bring light in where there is darkness, honour your day one with love, memories and sorrow.  and maybe just maybe HATE a little less going forward.




elf on the shelf is cray, cray but really so i'm! | klutch photography | Surrey family photography

Ya guess what i am that crazy mom, you know the one that makes you feel like ass for just moving your elf in another corner of the room.  yep, that's me.  here's the thing, this has nothing to do with making anyone feel bad and it has everything to do with fuelling my creative soul over the holidays!  AND extending the magic of christmas for my children!  

 

and no i'm not blowing smoke up your chimney (ha,ha couldn't help using that one, with it being christmas and all).  sadly kids only "believe" in the magic for so long and for me to watch their faces every morning to the complete cray, cray of the elf  (or elves) is a total joy, almost better then xmas morning...seriously!  

it's worth the late nights, anxiety and stress of them waking up to me conjuring up a elly the elf scene

this will be our forth year and lord only knows what will happen but every year someone or something joins elly in her "helpful adventures".   i have had to pass torches on to grandparents and leave the evening up to dad a few times (can't lie the up to dad part is worrisome), while taking off shopping in the states (grandma rock's the elf just fine btw)!

my elf elly is on the girls side 90% of the time and on mine 10% of the time. i play the role of disliking the elf because of her love for the girls (and her being so messy!), i have threatened to return her almost every year, back to santa that is. it's high stakes drama and the kids look forward to it, actually BEG me to have her back.  

none of this is by the book but nor am i.  

my elf came from an old spanish 70's doll that i found in the thrift shop because the real ones were sold out.  i did acquire a real one for dirt cheap at the end of one season and decided it should join in as an elf in training the following year. last year i found a bigger version of elly (again a spanish doll), she too will be participating this year.   perhaps i might need an elf intervention (and a leather purse intervention while we are at it)!

the images below are not in order but i have been doing this for five years!   i hope something about them inspires you to start your own family tradition, in your own way. because you want to... not because you should!

 

here's a elf on the shelf community fb page if you want to watch elly &co's adventures this tear and participate with posts!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Elf-on-the-shelf/297944363571390

amara, what have you drawn? | klutch Photography | family photography

amara: "momma, come in to my class and look at my work"!

this was the greeting i received after school pick up.  

Me: "sure baby, i'd love to"

she's in grade one and "YES DARLING, your letter printing is top shelf, i can see the  B  D mix up has corrected itself, way to go"!

can we move on to momma's favorite the ART BOOK, (sigh...oh I love the art book part)!  she knows it too, holds that fucker hostage till we got through all the OTHER learning books which includes math and what i believe was science...not certain!?  i have the concentration of a squirrel, any amount of time over 5 minutes and you've lost me...till we hit the her ART BOOK!

it does not disappoint!  she's got pics of sophie in there and some wicked grade one style landscapes...all so divine.  then i spot THIS gem, ok i must be a sick person because my first glance has me howling internally and also slightly concerned that child services are coming to "check out our home environment" with this Picasso crayon /pencil masterpiece.

so this is what I see in the picture...

a girl ( perhaps a transvestite) with a large penis "hopefully" peeing (and NOT something else) jumping for joy (one leg behind her and the other is on the ground) with what appears to be penis arm transplants or "she/he" have packed dildos in their my pockets (very large scale dildos).  her friend also has penis arm transplants or has sewn dildos onto her dress, not sure which one is which...oh and a chair in a field!  

all of this is concerning and fucking hysterical!  

ok don't laugh or freak out dina...ask her first don't assume.

or i could do as my portuguese mother always instructs me to do when i have something to say to my mother inlaw (sorry barb) "boca colada" (which means shut your mouth in portuguese).

nope can't do that.

me: "amara, tell me about this drawing"   .

 (i've pulled the phone out to take a picture, with sharp grunting breaths to hold back the roar of laughter i want to let out. oh good lord, this picture is getting funnier by the second.  maybe it's the hearts in the black hair that match the tip of the penis...great attention to detail has been placed here people!)

 amara's teacher is still in the room and she's NOT helping me at all to keep it together

teacher: "isn't their art amazing" (with a reaffirming head shake)

(that's it,  howling. i can't stop)

amara: " momma, this is me and you" 

me: "interesting".  "what i'm i wearing amara"?

amara:  "your sitting on a brown chair at the hair dresser's wearing red tights and pink high heels"

me:  "well of course i am and don't i look amazing!"

omg, i love kids art and i'm an asshole.

sigh.

oops. 

 

 

 

 

check out Dina's Life unscripted photography below...