it's 1999 and i was commuting ever week on the ferry as a walk on to vancouver to be with this boyfriend named greg (who is now my husband of almost 15 years). looking back, it's hard to remember the details of those days but i do remember the feelings. it was a mixture for sure, but mostly the feeling of being whole and balanced are what comes up the most, not because of having a "relationship" but more because of the time i gave myself...
time to dream, the time to savour coffee on days off, gym time, journaling, watching sunrises on my birthdays, nights with girlfriends...and even, wait for it - afternoon naps!
*side note-i really think we need to communicate to our girls the importance of this "selfish time" and keeping it going as we transition to the obligations of advanced adulthood*
today i dropped my little ladies off in victoria with my parents (for grandparent camp) for a week. lucky me right!! this required me to walk them on the ferry and walk back on the next ferry. this for most, would feel like a chore but for me it was like walking back in time...
as i sat in the sun, with music in ears-rocking out, journaling, being in true appreciation of the view- i was no longer appeasing the demands of being the mother, or the expectations of being a daughter to immigrant parents, wearing the diamond band marking me wife...or the bff status on FB.
i'm dina ferreira.
whole and balanced.
this is me.
"where the fuck have you been" I think to myself. "man, I've missed you...it's been to long!"
today there are no pieces of my pie needing to be given out today for people to survive on. it's all mine to savour. like a child with a treat, i will not share it!! i will be selfish and gorge on it's magnificent taste.
as the 9am vancouver ferry passes us, we all wave like four year olds...symbolic really, as i feel my "whole self" is about to jump overboard to join the passing ferry. my whole self can not stay forever as that ship has passed many years ago...by choice of course. i would never take back my last 15 years as it has made me a secure, don't care about what you think of me, lover of life person!
but today i realized how much I like "keeping the whole pie" all to myself. i think i might take up baking.
Dina's on Instagram...