i have a 1975 model of husband, this particular year came with a touch of OCD and a large helping of an A-type personality (which is why i'm attracted to him-very smart, confident and in control ). i'm not sure if any other 75 models have neurotic behaviours concerning doors being locked, having keys & wallets in pockets and passport "checks" in purses when we leave on vacation. it's truly a fantastic trait, that's unbelievably PAINFUL all at the same time. it does lean a little more on the "eye twitching" painful side thou...
him- "do you have the passports"?
me- "umm yep, remember i told you i had them in the house and then again when you asked in the car and SHOCKER I still have them now that we're in the airport"
this process continues throughout the trip, it includes a patting down and grabbing of areas such as pockets or bags with some repeated phrases "keys, wallet, sunglasses" every time we leave any location. rest assured folks. my hubby is on it.
except for this one time in st.lucia. you know, a foreign country.
shall i set up the magical details for you all...we're in st.lucia, just the hubby and i (sounds amazing so far, right). it's around dinner time and the days are colliding together as a good vacation full of local beer should be. the hubby has researched the shit out of this vacation (to which i say THANK YOU SO MUCH, as that part is not fun for me- what so ever. i just want to take pictures and sleep in), he suggests a trip adviser top pick located in pigeon park...
me-"do they have blended drinks?
we're in the car and hubby does the standard issue pat down of himself, repeating "car keys, house key and wallet, sunglasses...did i lock the door"? (all wife's have this gift -we can do an internal eye roll and sigh while still smiling...this is how marriages stay together. ok and the gin helps)
15 minutes later we pull in to this sandy parking lot that leads to the beach and the entrance to the regional park. it's literally a scene from a movie, but like not a good movie, more like a terrifying one...it's compton out here. there's at least 40 cars, trucks, motorcycles with music so loud that it makes coachella sound like it's music is coming out of a playschool pac and play getto blaster. everyone is getting drunk (and high but that is not unusual, as we have been told that everyone here has "glaucoma" and needs their medication!). there's literally 60lb-ers of hard booze on several of the cars. this is a parking lot partaaa, local style.
me- where the fuck are you taking me for dinner!? (yes, this came with an slight aggressive tone, with a dash of concern)
him- ahh... it's around here somewhere?
("this shit would never happen in CANADA" was used almost more than "pass me another piton please")
you guessed it, we park all the way to the end of the lot, meaning we had to walk through every single part of the "celebratory activities". i'm scared, can't lie and i'm pretty sure my degree deodorant is failing me but like a good little actress i hold hubby's hand and start joyfully smiling and laughing at a non existing joke. the key is- show. no. fear.
dude- "you smoke man?"
me- "noooo" (smile, laugh...keep the same pace)
him- "no man, but thanks"
we make it through. have you ever watch ellen when she puts her producer through the scary haunted house and he comes out with pure relieve and anger at ellen - that was me, i so badly wanted to put my hands on my knees, hutch over, take a few DEEP breaths and tell my husband to "go fuck himself" but i didn't (see mom, i can hold back). need. booze. please.
the restaurant was another 10 minute walk through the park. lovely location and trip advisor was correct in their ratings. we're watching the sun go down. calm is restored.
compton was in full swing on the way back, same drill and again we make it alive, grab some gas on the way home and hubby pats his pocket...
him- "do you have the house key"
me- "ummm NO, you have them!"
him -"no, i don't!"
me -" seriously mr. OCD, you have the key right!?"
him "d, i don't have the key!"
the next several minutes was a flurry of ransacking everything from my purse to the stripping of the car and a trip back to the gas station.
it's gone. the key to the townhouse, is GONE.
so lets recap the current situation: we are missing the house key, were in a foreign country, we have no cell phones and "that key" could have fallen anywhere in that sandy/dirty mile stretch of the local drucken debauchery. fawk.
(well i've slept in my car many times in my young adult life, due to being really drunk...i can handle it. i hope that little go cart we rented reclines. my neck is going to be rough in the morning. sigh.)
we park almost in the same spot, no keys in the dark were found as we made our way retracing our steps. i imagine that hubby and i must have looked like stray st.lucian dogs, trying to find scraps of left over food in the sand. we made it to the restaurant NO KEY was found.
(i love adventure, right? is it just me or does weird stuff always happen on our trips? i love adventure, another layer to the onion-i keep repeating under my breath. at this point i'm pretty sure my hubby has succumb to the reality that he will not see my vagina the rest of the trip).
the two prior blended drinks are requiring i take a bathroom break and once i exited the restaurant there was "st.linda" as i have officially renamed her. she's canadian and was managing the restaurant that evening.
SL- "don't panic, i have a lantern and phone with wifi...your going to be fine"
i'm in love with her already.
on our unplanned treasure hunt, we find out she's married to a st.lucian and just moved back here now that all their babes are adults. she is everything one loves about Canadians, kind, friendly and full of personality. 10 minutes later...
SL-"found them!" (behind our back tire, poking out)
a round of hugs were required, followed by a round of drinks (back to the restaurant we go)! SL was still working but chatted with us as we DRANK (and i sighed in relieve of not requiring a chiropractor in the morning & hubby most certainly lost 5 years of his A-type personality life, you know, for not being in control of the situation! #thestruggleisrealpeople).
she offered us an afternoon on their boat for some swimming and a personal island tour. as we chatted i realized that this was all meant to happen. the universe planned it. we were to meet and become friends...
SL - "that key wanted us to meet"
me -"yes, yes it did"!
*a huge thank you to linda and her hubby trevor for giving us an amazing gift of friendship and kindness on our trip- you were a saviour and a highlight*
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