363 days | Klutch Photography | family photographer

everyday you drift into my thoughts, so far it's been 363 times, tomorrow it will be 364 and the day after it will be a year. 

you are always there... like clouds in the sky, wind through a window, a smell of coffee in the air, an image you pass everyday. always there. always.

you linger in me. somedays i smile at your memory, some days i shake my head (did this really happen and in the why's of it all), somedays i live in the guilt of having my little girl here beside me while you are no longer able to be and other days i linger in the space of your mother and her reality of never being able to smell you and love you with her touch... those days are the worst.

sometimes i speak to you, out loud.  "i know your here, watching over us...sending us butterfly's"

the everyday thoughts build up in me like a stacking of cards from a deck, eventually the cards will crumble. i rebuild. then repeat the process.

when you passed, you gently and lovingly stole little pieces of everyone's hearts, to be honest you already had a piece of mine.  the whole will never fully heal, only enough to keep us moving forward. slowly.

the moment you left us sophie, you became our teacher.  and i (along with many others) have learned in these 363 days to live (more so) in the now and that tomorrow is a gift and to be unbelievably grateful for it.  

this week i (and all of us) relive the days leading up THAT moment, the reality of what all of our lives would be from that email on.  i hate THIS, i hate how it makes me feel, i hate thinking about your family right at this very second and what they are living through this week.  i just hate it that i can't take your mom's pain away. i hate that i can't take amara's pain away.  

BUT on day 365 i will walk with your family and village, together united, bring light in where there is darkness, honour your day one with love, memories and sorrow.  and maybe just maybe HATE a little less going forward.